Green mimosas i think yes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
