How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
