Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
