I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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