one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
