just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
