Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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