Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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