She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
