so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
