Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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