I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the day after is always just damage control
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
