she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
