strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
