Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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