he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
