Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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