there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
handjob tips. give me some.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
