my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
