Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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