We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
