I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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