New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
