Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
