the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
