He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
