fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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