so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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