Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
