The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
