Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
