based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
