great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
