pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
