he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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