Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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