This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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