How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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