dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
