perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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