Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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