i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
id be glad to
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
