did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
