I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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