New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
