just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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