I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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