Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
