seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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