She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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