you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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