dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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