but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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